I want to share a video that my family and I quote at the end of our visits sometimes.
So, we really don't quote the whole thing, just the part at the end where
they say, "Bye-bye boys! Have fun stormin' the castle! (D'ya think it'll
work? It'd take a miracle.) -uh Bye!" But, I liked the whole clip because it shows that we do not need to accept what seems like death, we can seek for help, have faith and do what the miracle maker says to do. Then we experience a miracle.I'm sure that most of us have seen The Princess Bride at least once, if not 50+ times.
Because this is a classic fairy tale, let's evaluate what we learn about how to have a fairy tale happen in our life, from this timeless movie (if you can call 42 years timeless - the book was published in 1973).
#1. Buttercup: She has learned good morals and lives by them. She seems to have a love for nature and riding horses, and from what I can see, she's got a good work ethic as well. Wesley is not the only one that works. We never meet her parents, but one of them must have been a good manager and bossed her (or the spouse) around, otherwise, how would she have learned that she needed a farm hand in the first place and to be such a good boss? She tries her best to do her best, for all we know.
#2. Wesley: Service and good works pay off. Check this guy out! He was obviously attracted to Buttercup, probably from the minute he knew of her. But "the fairy tale" involves more than just being attracted to one another. There is a deep connection felt. This is very important to distinguish from merely being attracted to someone. Feeling this deep connection, he shows his love for her by serving her, and because she sees that it is with affection that he does his work, she is compelled to contemplate her feelings for him and realizes that she loves him too. Sure, he may have been a hired hand, but the energy that takes place between them is electric! There is a difference between the way he speaks to her, vs. the way some other person, not in love with her, would have spoken to her. He was kind, patient, humble (meaning he did not think he was better than anyone else), not jealous, considerate, sought her happiness, and focused on his love for her. He made that love the motivation for his seeking fortune for their marriage. Serving one another is powerful when love is there.
#3. Once they realize that they love each other, they know there is some preparing to do before they can be married. As they part, Buttercup FEARS that she will never see him again, while Wesley is the pillar of FAITH and tells her, "Hear this now. I will always come for you." They do not have sex before he leaves, though, as they were well aware that it would be wrong and unwise.
#4. On his travels, Wesley still remembers his love for Buttercup and as he pleads for the dread pirate Roberts to keep him alive, the love he has for Buttercup shows up in his voice as he says "Please." The love he had for Buttercup helped him overcome certain death. He kept her in mind and did everything he did with the intention of coming back to Buttercup and marrying her.
#5. Once you have loved more deeply than all the cowardly princes and kings could even dream of, that person is part of you forever.
#6. "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." Pay attention to what feels good in your heart. Don't douse the fire in your heart because it has burned you before. It was only FEAR that burned you.
#7. "Wesley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that; not with a thousand blood hounds! And you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords!" They had not "made love" physically yet, and had not spoken marriage vows per say, but they loved each other this deeply. IS this possible? YES! It truly is! Even after the marriage, though, there will be storms and that love will be tested and tried. There might even come a point when it feels as though those bonds HAVE been broken. That's where the promise comes in. We didn't promise to love each other unless the other one stops. What good is a promise if you're not going to keep it? No good. When you are joined by the bonds of love, that IS unbreakable. It is important to note, though, that they still have not spoken MARRIAGE vows to each other. This matters.
#8. Patience, perseverance, submissiveness, FAITH, hard work, hope, belief, morality, love, and team work, yield miracles AND... THE FAIRY TALE.
No wonder this movie is a classic. It contains all of the necessary ingredients for putting together a wonderful fairy tale BECUASE Wesley and Buttercup have cultivated these character traits, choice by choice as they have grown and they are a part of them. These character traits will see them through the storms they will face in their future together. That's right, there are storms after marriage, and they CAN be weathered.
There are definitely more lessons we can learn from this movie, but I will move on to explaining what the fairy tale is, why we want it, and how we do or do not get it.
Okay, so what IS "The Fairy Tale"?
I will define it as coming to (or falling in) love with your dream girl/guy, getting married in a beautiful place with a beautiful dress/tux and with all the wonderful people in your life there, and living happily ever after.
Why do we want the fairy tale? Because it feels good. It touches our hearts. IT IS INSIDE OF US.
Do fairy tales happen in "real life"? YES and NO.
Yes, they happen for some people, but not true to the way they are portrayed in all the movies. Sometimes we are deceived (especially women) into thinking that happily ever after means that after we get married everything is eternal bliss. It IS in the sense that we no longer need to worry about finding a spouse or hoping that someday we will marry this person. However, it is NOT, in the sense that we continue to need to work, deal with unpleasant circumstances at work, find out that bearing children is not only sweet, but also hard work and sometimes quite bitter, and we also come to find ALL the imperfections our spouse has that we may not have ever married into had we known of them before.
*This is the precise reason that the many people, nowadays, move in with and have sex with their significant other before considering marriage.* They think that perhaps if they try it out for a while without promising anything first, they will save themselves from heartache and sadness and money from having to pay divorce lawyers.
Some people might call this smart, but I assert that it is the very reason that a relatively large percentage (compared to what the IDEAL would be) of the population do NOT experience the fairy tale (even the kind not portrayed accurately in the movies) anymore.
The eternal truth is that orgasm is part of the happily ever AFTER. Meaning AFTER marriage happens.
The ability to respect each other's physical bodies is KEY to a happy relationship. This does not require "trying it" to see if it will work before committing to a lifetime of loving this person. Rather it takes a commitment to love this person for a lifetime to even "go there" physically. THAT IS the act we perform with our physical bodies that seals the promise of marriage. Waiting to have sex until AFTER you have promised to give yourselves to each other SPEAKS, "I do not need to give in to the desires of the flesh, in order to love your spirit, and since your spirit will live on for much longer than your body will, I will love IT 1st, always and forever!" It shows that if our physical bodies were to become harmed in any way shape or form, it wouldn't affect our love for each other, because, we were first in love with each other's spirits. That afterglow feeling that orgasm brings feels like happily ever after and is meant to give us just that. If we choose not to promise our love to each other and dedicate our lives to each other before this happens, it is just self gratification and not at all about the couple, but the individual and the desires of the flesh. Sex is one precious gift in life that is worth waiting for until marriage. It shouldn't be treated as anything less than a precious gift. One that comes with promise and responsibility.
It is because some choose to put this gift before marriage that they are not in the zone of true happiness. Sealing the commitment and promise without making it first is like acting out the canning process without putting anything in the jar 1st. The result? Emptiness inside.
Some define love as the act of sex. I define love as kind, patient, humble, submissive, not envying, not boasting, being considerate, seeking to serve, protecting, rejoicing in truth, trusting, not delighting in other's downfalls or keeping track of who has offended and how. (And, believing in God, myself, I would say that GOD IS LOVE.) I also have to say that I do believe that love is beautiful, wonderful, majestic, mystical, magical and fulfilling! But, I think these adjectives are more the fruits of the 1st ones I used.
It is fear that tells us, IF we choose to marry without first having sex and "getting good at it", the sexual relationship will suffer throughout the marital relationship. It is fear that says "without 'trying on' our potential spouse before 'purchasing' or marrying them it will lead us to a desire to 'return' the merchandise to the store ('available' market)". This is how I define fear.
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real.
The majority of media reports it, condones it, lives it, preaches it and continues to NOT find "the fairy tale". Why? Does happiness even exist? What is happiness anyway? This would be a good word to DEFINE, in accurately seeking for and receiving the "happily ever after".
I like to use the Webster's 1828 dictionary when seeking for definitions because it is most accurate and deeper than most meanings out there. "Happiness, n. [from happy] the agreeable sensations which spring from the enjoyment of good." (find the full definition here)
From this definition we can conclude that in order to be happy, we must enjoy good. What is good?
Human beings and everything that is not man-made. Also something that is legally firm, valid, not weak or defective, sound.
Like marriage.
"And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good."
God BLESSED Adam and Eve (that's where true marriage originated) "and said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it..." (Genesis 1:31)
This is what the FAIRY TALE is all about. Man receiving Woman (women are gifts to be received), them being blessed by GOD, and making love (having intercourse) for the purpose of showing love to each other and to God and sealing the promises made by all in the covenant that marriage is.
If any of these elements is missing, the fairy tale will not happen the way it feels like it was supposed to inside of us. To reference the canning analogy again, it would be like forgetting to put the salt, vinegar, or food in, or like trying to cook it for just a few minutes instead of the full amount of time it takes to really get a good seal on.
Now for all those who were just reading to see if this was all a joke, because "nobody believes in fairy tales anymore.", I say that REALITY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. Do not let the media or the workplace, or your circle of friends define YOUR reality. Your life is what you make it.
"That's easier said than done!" you may say. Well I will be posting a part 2 on how to change your reality to what will truly "fill your jar" with your favorite feeling and seal it!
TTFN (Ta-Ta for now!)
