I have been rebelling ever since my father-in-law-"suggested " that I not breastfeed in "public" (at a family gathering). Since then I have rebelled again and again against cultural traditions that are wrong. In the process, I have learned a lot of what really is. What is good... what is right, and what is true. Defending truth was what I did for a long time. At times I stood for things that were different, just because they weren't wrong in general. Sometimes they actually were just things I needed to find out weren't right for ME, by experiencing the opposite of what WAS true for me - or what my path needed to be.
Then something changed in my life. What I thought/believed would be, did not happen. Why? Because I chose to rebel when I was not supposed to. Soon after that, things got the point that I did not need to rebel any more against what my husband was doing and saying. I was so used to everything around me being not quite right that when it changed, probably due to many people defending the truth, I was shocked and didn't know what to do.
What happens when your previous purpose no longer exists? Or maybe it's just your previous perception that does not exist any more.
Find a new purpose and gain a new perspective.
There came a point where I no longer needed to defend to my husband all that I was so used to defending. For some odd and strange reason, he needed to hear the truth from myself, AND someone else (and being an introvert, hadn't come across that second witness as of yet) and once that someone and the realization came along, I didn't know for sure what I should do. After I didn't have to do so much convincing and defending contrary to the false traditions that he seemed to believe so heavily in, I didn't know what to do with myself. I blogged and tried to work out my feelings.
There has been an undoing of sorts.
And now I am experiencing a situation where I know what is right and true, what my path is, but have not been choosing to follow it all of the time.
Theory 1: I am subconsciously compelled to do this to give other people a taste of their own medicine.
Theory 2: I am subconsciously compelled to do this to give other rebellers, like me, something to rebel against.
Theory 3: I am being presented with a test. Now that I know for sure what I am supposed to do, and there is no one else standing in my way, will I do it? Or will I stand in my way, because I am so used to having so much resistance?
Theory 4: The casting out of the garden of Eden has happened personally, and it is by the sweat of my and my husband's brow that we are eating our bread the rest of our days...
Theory 5: I have grown lazy in doing what is right, because of not having to fight against my husband any more, and now have to fight against my own flesh, because of atrophy.
It really doesn't matter which theory it is, what matters is that I do the right thing no matter what. What matters is me, my husband, my children, and our salvation. What matters is me being obedient. Me being responsible. Me being true and standing for the right.
So, I am now on a journey of rebelling against rebellion. Fighting against the force that seems to be dragging or pulling me backwards. This is interesting, because as my husband learns all of what I have been trying to tell and teach him through the second witnesses that God is sending into our lives, I am learning all the things that HE has tried to teach me over the years of us rebelling against each other's perspectives.
What a hard lesson to learn. But to finally learn these lessons without the other one on our back, being supportive and helpful instead of adding a burden by climbing on each other's backs, is, to me, better that doing the right things for the wrong reasons. That is relieving for me to acknowledge. Instead of regretting "wasting" so many years - which maybe were still wasted in some ways - I can be grateful that we have learned the lesson of doing the right thing for good reasons.
So, every day as I go about the day, it is my opportunity to do the right things for the right reasons and rejoice in it!!!!
Sometimes I perceive that I am being held back by my husband or my children, but in so many ways, I am who I am and what I am because of them. This cannot be a bad thing. I will not believe that I have become a negative person because of my family, but that I have become a strong and supported and supportive person because of my family.
I am a visionary woman. I see many things as they will be, or can be and sometimes get so frustrated that I am not there yet. It is good for me to see a picture that is bigger, but to see what is right in front of me and be sure that it is the perfect and correct step to take, is just hard sometimes - and easy at other times.
To rebel against the forces of Satan that are so viciously fighting against me doing the right thing, is my new purpose and new challenge.
I am now in a position to really do the best things and be true to who I am destined to be.
What about you?
Leave a comment please. :)
