This morning I opened an email from a company that was advertising some job openings. The first line of the email said, "Do something with your life that really matters and change the world."
I thought, "I am doing the thing that really matters and I will change the world doing it, today, little by little, every day, until a VERY big change occurs." Do I work for them? No. I certainly hope that nobody reading that thought, "I must not be doing anything that changes the world."
So what are YOU doing that matters that is changing the world FOR THE BETTER?
Personally, I am home. The word 'home' is one that has become abused and expanded. Says Noah Webster, "Home is the sacred refuge of our life." However, when I say I am home, what I mean is that I am a mother who is choosing to make home my occupation. Admittedly, I have not perfected this area of my life yet, but ideally, this is what making home my occupation means. It means that I wake up every morning and am there for my children. I pray, take care of myself, to show my children that it is important to do that, and take care of those that cannot take care of them selves yet. I show them how breakfast is made and help them eat it. I clean messes that cannot be cleaned by anyone else in the family. I help the little kids know how to get ready for the day. I sing songs to my children and with my children. I make cleaning look fun and I help the children play nicely and safely. I tell my children the things they need to be doing. I try my best to show them how, and be a good example for them. I teach them about the rules of manners and safety. Ideally, they would trust me, because they have no reason not to. I keep a schedule without getting angry, but rather by making it a game and fun. I show them by example, how to be on time for things. Our home feels like a refuge from the storm because Mom is there and always has something, whether a listening ear, a bandage, some oils, a bowl of food, an idea, a song, a game, a job, a hug, a kiss, a rule, an instruction, a drink of water, something yummy, words of comfort...
I cook dinner with the help of the children for my husband to come home to and we all sit down and eat as a whole family. Everyone loves the food I cook and it is full of good nutrients. Everyone has a drink of something to quench thirst. We work as a family to clean up dinner and do evening activities. No one goes to the computer. There is no time for that, because we choose to let our children know that they are the best use of our time ever. Our hearts are turned to them. God is there because love is there.
Can anyone measure the value of this, or how much it matters? I think not. It is immeasurable. This work matters. Nine children call me mom. I matter to my children and what I do changes the world in immeasurable ways.
Does it still matter if you stay at home so that this can be facilitated, but your day goes nothing like this? YES! We were created to have joy! So, see the good in the world. See the good in what happens every day!
Today, we all have the same 24 hours. What will we do with it? I know what I will try to do. I want to do what matters most, and what is most important. I want to be there for my children and really be present, aware of them, their needs, their joys, their uniqueness, and their love. I want my children to be aware of me, my needs, my joys, my uniqueness, and my love.
Today is a new day - unless of course you are reading this in the evening, then say to yourself, "This is a new hour!" or "Tomorrow is a new day, all fresh again!" What are you going to do with it?
Perhaps you will go to a job that provides for a family. Perhaps you will try to get some sleep because a newborn, elderly, or special needs family member needed you throughout the night. Perhaps you will pray all the day long that the demon of self destruction will go away from you and back to the pit of hell where it came from. Perhaps you will focus on finding truth. Perhaps you will be taken care of by an angel through trials or tribulations. Perhaps you will just be, breathe, dance and love. If you would like to share, please do!
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Monday, September 14, 2015
The Need for Nurturing
Today I was in church and one of the nice older ladies in our ward came up to me and said, "Are you feeling okay? You look like you're not doing so well today." I told her I was a bit tired. However, I then wondered how she could see that. Did I have black under my eyes? Was my hair messy? Did my clothes look ragged?
I had to go to the powder room to make sure none of this was the case. I then noticed that although my hair wasn't that bad, it wasn't the way i would have preferred it, so I fixed it. I also decided to check down my throat. She wouldn't have been able to see that, of course, but my throat was sore and maybe people could tell that just from looking at me... Well I noticed something I didn't think was normal and decided to stop pretending that I was on top of things when I really wasn't. So, I went back to the chapel and listened to the announcements. I cried thinking of how much I needed for someone to notice that I wasn't feeling well and ask me how I was doing. It meant a lot to me. I was touched. I then began thinking of all the things that were going wrong in my life and in my family. I knew that path was not healthy though, so I did what I could to combat it. I noticed that I wasn't in the mood to sing the songs. This was NOT me. I always sing the songs and I hate it when people don't even try to sing. Now it was me not even trying to sing. Wow! REALLY? Adversarial pride at work, I suppose.
There was a High Councilman sitting up on the stand who is very musically inclined and he knew that I was too.
I knew that there was a dark force trying to get me down. It was now the sacrament song. I looked at the High Councilman and thought of who I really am. I though of what my mother would be doing if she was right beside me. I reclaimed myself and chose to sing the song. I chose to use the sacrament to really renew my baptismal covenants. I chose to pray for help and see the help. It was a matter of shifting my paradigm.
I shifted back into who I really was and started noticing something great! I was honest. I was real. I wasn't ashamed, though a little disappointed, and I looked at everyone else in a way that they didn't know how to respond to.
But the rest of church happened and I felt great! I allowed me to be me. I though about how much I needed someone to come up to me and tell me they were concerned and to remind me to take care of me. I needed the High Councilman's presence to remind me of who I really am and to be it. To just be me. The real me.
Then I thought, "How many times have I thought that I wasn't doing any good or helping out, when really it was just my presence that was needed?"
Thanking God for wisdom beyond my understanding.
I had to go to the powder room to make sure none of this was the case. I then noticed that although my hair wasn't that bad, it wasn't the way i would have preferred it, so I fixed it. I also decided to check down my throat. She wouldn't have been able to see that, of course, but my throat was sore and maybe people could tell that just from looking at me... Well I noticed something I didn't think was normal and decided to stop pretending that I was on top of things when I really wasn't. So, I went back to the chapel and listened to the announcements. I cried thinking of how much I needed for someone to notice that I wasn't feeling well and ask me how I was doing. It meant a lot to me. I was touched. I then began thinking of all the things that were going wrong in my life and in my family. I knew that path was not healthy though, so I did what I could to combat it. I noticed that I wasn't in the mood to sing the songs. This was NOT me. I always sing the songs and I hate it when people don't even try to sing. Now it was me not even trying to sing. Wow! REALLY? Adversarial pride at work, I suppose.
There was a High Councilman sitting up on the stand who is very musically inclined and he knew that I was too.
I knew that there was a dark force trying to get me down. It was now the sacrament song. I looked at the High Councilman and thought of who I really am. I though of what my mother would be doing if she was right beside me. I reclaimed myself and chose to sing the song. I chose to use the sacrament to really renew my baptismal covenants. I chose to pray for help and see the help. It was a matter of shifting my paradigm.
I shifted back into who I really was and started noticing something great! I was honest. I was real. I wasn't ashamed, though a little disappointed, and I looked at everyone else in a way that they didn't know how to respond to.
But the rest of church happened and I felt great! I allowed me to be me. I though about how much I needed someone to come up to me and tell me they were concerned and to remind me to take care of me. I needed the High Councilman's presence to remind me of who I really am and to be it. To just be me. The real me.
Then I thought, "How many times have I thought that I wasn't doing any good or helping out, when really it was just my presence that was needed?"
Thanking God for wisdom beyond my understanding.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Rebelling against rebellion
I have been rebelling ever since my father-in-law-"suggested " that I not breastfeed in "public" (at a family gathering). Since then I have rebelled again and again against cultural traditions that are wrong. In the process, I have learned a lot of what really is. What is good... what is right, and what is true. Defending truth was what I did for a long time. At times I stood for things that were different, just because they weren't wrong in general. Sometimes they actually were just things I needed to find out weren't right for ME, by experiencing the opposite of what WAS true for me - or what my path needed to be.
Then something changed in my life. What I thought/believed would be, did not happen. Why? Because I chose to rebel when I was not supposed to. Soon after that, things got the point that I did not need to rebel any more against what my husband was doing and saying. I was so used to everything around me being not quite right that when it changed, probably due to many people defending the truth, I was shocked and didn't know what to do.
What happens when your previous purpose no longer exists? Or maybe it's just your previous perception that does not exist any more.
Find a new purpose and gain a new perspective.
There came a point where I no longer needed to defend to my husband all that I was so used to defending. For some odd and strange reason, he needed to hear the truth from myself, AND someone else (and being an introvert, hadn't come across that second witness as of yet) and once that someone and the realization came along, I didn't know for sure what I should do. After I didn't have to do so much convincing and defending contrary to the false traditions that he seemed to believe so heavily in, I didn't know what to do with myself. I blogged and tried to work out my feelings.
There has been an undoing of sorts.
And now I am experiencing a situation where I know what is right and true, what my path is, but have not been choosing to follow it all of the time.
Theory 1: I am subconsciously compelled to do this to give other people a taste of their own medicine.
Theory 2: I am subconsciously compelled to do this to give other rebellers, like me, something to rebel against.
Theory 3: I am being presented with a test. Now that I know for sure what I am supposed to do, and there is no one else standing in my way, will I do it? Or will I stand in my way, because I am so used to having so much resistance?
Theory 4: The casting out of the garden of Eden has happened personally, and it is by the sweat of my and my husband's brow that we are eating our bread the rest of our days...
Theory 5: I have grown lazy in doing what is right, because of not having to fight against my husband any more, and now have to fight against my own flesh, because of atrophy.
It really doesn't matter which theory it is, what matters is that I do the right thing no matter what. What matters is me, my husband, my children, and our salvation. What matters is me being obedient. Me being responsible. Me being true and standing for the right.
So, I am now on a journey of rebelling against rebellion. Fighting against the force that seems to be dragging or pulling me backwards. This is interesting, because as my husband learns all of what I have been trying to tell and teach him through the second witnesses that God is sending into our lives, I am learning all the things that HE has tried to teach me over the years of us rebelling against each other's perspectives.
What a hard lesson to learn. But to finally learn these lessons without the other one on our back, being supportive and helpful instead of adding a burden by climbing on each other's backs, is, to me, better that doing the right things for the wrong reasons. That is relieving for me to acknowledge. Instead of regretting "wasting" so many years - which maybe were still wasted in some ways - I can be grateful that we have learned the lesson of doing the right thing for good reasons.
So, every day as I go about the day, it is my opportunity to do the right things for the right reasons and rejoice in it!!!!
Sometimes I perceive that I am being held back by my husband or my children, but in so many ways, I am who I am and what I am because of them. This cannot be a bad thing. I will not believe that I have become a negative person because of my family, but that I have become a strong and supported and supportive person because of my family.
I am a visionary woman. I see many things as they will be, or can be and sometimes get so frustrated that I am not there yet. It is good for me to see a picture that is bigger, but to see what is right in front of me and be sure that it is the perfect and correct step to take, is just hard sometimes - and easy at other times.
To rebel against the forces of Satan that are so viciously fighting against me doing the right thing, is my new purpose and new challenge.
I am now in a position to really do the best things and be true to who I am destined to be.
What about you?
Leave a comment please. :)
Then something changed in my life. What I thought/believed would be, did not happen. Why? Because I chose to rebel when I was not supposed to. Soon after that, things got the point that I did not need to rebel any more against what my husband was doing and saying. I was so used to everything around me being not quite right that when it changed, probably due to many people defending the truth, I was shocked and didn't know what to do.
What happens when your previous purpose no longer exists? Or maybe it's just your previous perception that does not exist any more.
Find a new purpose and gain a new perspective.
There came a point where I no longer needed to defend to my husband all that I was so used to defending. For some odd and strange reason, he needed to hear the truth from myself, AND someone else (and being an introvert, hadn't come across that second witness as of yet) and once that someone and the realization came along, I didn't know for sure what I should do. After I didn't have to do so much convincing and defending contrary to the false traditions that he seemed to believe so heavily in, I didn't know what to do with myself. I blogged and tried to work out my feelings.
There has been an undoing of sorts.
And now I am experiencing a situation where I know what is right and true, what my path is, but have not been choosing to follow it all of the time.
Theory 1: I am subconsciously compelled to do this to give other people a taste of their own medicine.
Theory 2: I am subconsciously compelled to do this to give other rebellers, like me, something to rebel against.
Theory 3: I am being presented with a test. Now that I know for sure what I am supposed to do, and there is no one else standing in my way, will I do it? Or will I stand in my way, because I am so used to having so much resistance?
Theory 4: The casting out of the garden of Eden has happened personally, and it is by the sweat of my and my husband's brow that we are eating our bread the rest of our days...
Theory 5: I have grown lazy in doing what is right, because of not having to fight against my husband any more, and now have to fight against my own flesh, because of atrophy.
It really doesn't matter which theory it is, what matters is that I do the right thing no matter what. What matters is me, my husband, my children, and our salvation. What matters is me being obedient. Me being responsible. Me being true and standing for the right.
So, I am now on a journey of rebelling against rebellion. Fighting against the force that seems to be dragging or pulling me backwards. This is interesting, because as my husband learns all of what I have been trying to tell and teach him through the second witnesses that God is sending into our lives, I am learning all the things that HE has tried to teach me over the years of us rebelling against each other's perspectives.
What a hard lesson to learn. But to finally learn these lessons without the other one on our back, being supportive and helpful instead of adding a burden by climbing on each other's backs, is, to me, better that doing the right things for the wrong reasons. That is relieving for me to acknowledge. Instead of regretting "wasting" so many years - which maybe were still wasted in some ways - I can be grateful that we have learned the lesson of doing the right thing for good reasons.
So, every day as I go about the day, it is my opportunity to do the right things for the right reasons and rejoice in it!!!!
Sometimes I perceive that I am being held back by my husband or my children, but in so many ways, I am who I am and what I am because of them. This cannot be a bad thing. I will not believe that I have become a negative person because of my family, but that I have become a strong and supported and supportive person because of my family.
I am a visionary woman. I see many things as they will be, or can be and sometimes get so frustrated that I am not there yet. It is good for me to see a picture that is bigger, but to see what is right in front of me and be sure that it is the perfect and correct step to take, is just hard sometimes - and easy at other times.
To rebel against the forces of Satan that are so viciously fighting against me doing the right thing, is my new purpose and new challenge.
I am now in a position to really do the best things and be true to who I am destined to be.
What about you?
Leave a comment please. :)
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Of Money And Miracles
Affirmations are a great way to remind yourself of who you are, and what you want in your life. The other day, I typed in some money affirmations and the next day I got two checks for $55 each. And just today I got another check for $109. Were these already on their way in the mail when I typed my affirmations in? Yes, I'm sure they were. But I also believe that my energy of accepting money helps attract them to me and helped me feel happier when they came.
Another story about money is that today I was at the grocery store paying for my food. I handed the cashier $60. I've been extra careful lately to look at my money carefully and keep better track of it than I used to. When the cashier gave me the change, she gave me five dollars to many. I told her about the mistake and she assured me that I had given her $65. I know that this was a miracle from God I feel that he was trying to tell me that when I put my faith in Him He blesses me more than I expect.
Another story about money is that today I was at the grocery store paying for my food. I handed the cashier $60. I've been extra careful lately to look at my money carefully and keep better track of it than I used to. When the cashier gave me the change, she gave me five dollars to many. I told her about the mistake and she assured me that I had given her $65. I know that this was a miracle from God I feel that he was trying to tell me that when I put my faith in Him He blesses me more than I expect.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
So, You Want the Fairy Tale, Eh?
Caution: This blog may not be suitable for children not acquainted with the sexual process. For all others, you're fine. (It's modest.)
I want to share a video that my family and I quote at the end of our visits sometimes.
I'm sure that most of us have seen The Princess Bride at least once, if not 50+ times.
Because this is a classic fairy tale, let's evaluate what we learn about how to have a fairy tale happen in our life, from this timeless movie (if you can call 42 years timeless - the book was published in 1973).
#1. Buttercup: She has learned good morals and lives by them. She seems to have a love for nature and riding horses, and from what I can see, she's got a good work ethic as well. Wesley is not the only one that works. We never meet her parents, but one of them must have been a good manager and bossed her (or the spouse) around, otherwise, how would she have learned that she needed a farm hand in the first place and to be such a good boss? She tries her best to do her best, for all we know.
#2. Wesley: Service and good works pay off. Check this guy out! He was obviously attracted to Buttercup, probably from the minute he knew of her. But "the fairy tale" involves more than just being attracted to one another. There is a deep connection felt. This is very important to distinguish from merely being attracted to someone. Feeling this deep connection, he shows his love for her by serving her, and because she sees that it is with affection that he does his work, she is compelled to contemplate her feelings for him and realizes that she loves him too. Sure, he may have been a hired hand, but the energy that takes place between them is electric! There is a difference between the way he speaks to her, vs. the way some other person, not in love with her, would have spoken to her. He was kind, patient, humble (meaning he did not think he was better than anyone else), not jealous, considerate, sought her happiness, and focused on his love for her. He made that love the motivation for his seeking fortune for their marriage. Serving one another is powerful when love is there.
#3. Once they realize that they love each other, they know there is some preparing to do before they can be married. As they part, Buttercup FEARS that she will never see him again, while Wesley is the pillar of FAITH and tells her, "Hear this now. I will always come for you." They do not have sex before he leaves, though, as they were well aware that it would be wrong and unwise.
#4. On his travels, Wesley still remembers his love for Buttercup and as he pleads for the dread pirate Roberts to keep him alive, the love he has for Buttercup shows up in his voice as he says "Please." The love he had for Buttercup helped him overcome certain death. He kept her in mind and did everything he did with the intention of coming back to Buttercup and marrying her.
#5. Once you have loved more deeply than all the cowardly princes and kings could even dream of, that person is part of you forever.
#6. "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." Pay attention to what feels good in your heart. Don't douse the fire in your heart because it has burned you before. It was only FEAR that burned you.
#7. "Wesley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that; not with a thousand blood hounds! And you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords!" They had not "made love" physically yet, and had not spoken marriage vows per say, but they loved each other this deeply. IS this possible? YES! It truly is! Even after the marriage, though, there will be storms and that love will be tested and tried. There might even come a point when it feels as though those bonds HAVE been broken. That's where the promise comes in. We didn't promise to love each other unless the other one stops. What good is a promise if you're not going to keep it? No good. When you are joined by the bonds of love, that IS unbreakable. It is important to note, though, that they still have not spoken MARRIAGE vows to each other. This matters.
#8. Patience, perseverance, submissiveness, FAITH, hard work, hope, belief, morality, love, and team work, yield miracles AND... THE FAIRY TALE.
No wonder this movie is a classic. It contains all of the necessary ingredients for putting together a wonderful fairy tale BECUASE Wesley and Buttercup have cultivated these character traits, choice by choice as they have grown and they are a part of them. These character traits will see them through the storms they will face in their future together. That's right, there are storms after marriage, and they CAN be weathered.
There are definitely more lessons we can learn from this movie, but I will move on to explaining what the fairy tale is, why we want it, and how we do or do not get it.
Okay, so what IS "The Fairy Tale"?
I will define it as coming to (or falling in) love with your dream girl/guy, getting married in a beautiful place with a beautiful dress/tux and with all the wonderful people in your life there, and living happily ever after.
Why do we want the fairy tale? Because it feels good. It touches our hearts. IT IS INSIDE OF US.
Do fairy tales happen in "real life"? YES and NO.
Yes, they happen for some people, but not true to the way they are portrayed in all the movies. Sometimes we are deceived (especially women) into thinking that happily ever after means that after we get married everything is eternal bliss. It IS in the sense that we no longer need to worry about finding a spouse or hoping that someday we will marry this person. However, it is NOT, in the sense that we continue to need to work, deal with unpleasant circumstances at work, find out that bearing children is not only sweet, but also hard work and sometimes quite bitter, and we also come to find ALL the imperfections our spouse has that we may not have ever married into had we known of them before.
*This is the precise reason that the many people, nowadays, move in with and have sex with their significant other before considering marriage.* They think that perhaps if they try it out for a while without promising anything first, they will save themselves from heartache and sadness and money from having to pay divorce lawyers.
Some people might call this smart, but I assert that it is the very reason that a relatively large percentage (compared to what the IDEAL would be) of the population do NOT experience the fairy tale (even the kind not portrayed accurately in the movies) anymore.
The eternal truth is that orgasm is part of the happily ever AFTER. Meaning AFTER marriage happens.
The ability to respect each other's physical bodies is KEY to a happy relationship. This does not require "trying it" to see if it will work before committing to a lifetime of loving this person. Rather it takes a commitment to love this person for a lifetime to even "go there" physically. THAT IS the act we perform with our physical bodies that seals the promise of marriage. Waiting to have sex until AFTER you have promised to give yourselves to each other SPEAKS, "I do not need to give in to the desires of the flesh, in order to love your spirit, and since your spirit will live on for much longer than your body will, I will love IT 1st, always and forever!" It shows that if our physical bodies were to become harmed in any way shape or form, it wouldn't affect our love for each other, because, we were first in love with each other's spirits. That afterglow feeling that orgasm brings feels like happily ever after and is meant to give us just that. If we choose not to promise our love to each other and dedicate our lives to each other before this happens, it is just self gratification and not at all about the couple, but the individual and the desires of the flesh. Sex is one precious gift in life that is worth waiting for until marriage. It shouldn't be treated as anything less than a precious gift. One that comes with promise and responsibility.
It is because some choose to put this gift before marriage that they are not in the zone of true happiness. Sealing the commitment and promise without making it first is like acting out the canning process without putting anything in the jar 1st. The result? Emptiness inside.
Some define love as the act of sex. I define love as kind, patient, humble, submissive, not envying, not boasting, being considerate, seeking to serve, protecting, rejoicing in truth, trusting, not delighting in other's downfalls or keeping track of who has offended and how. (And, believing in God, myself, I would say that GOD IS LOVE.) I also have to say that I do believe that love is beautiful, wonderful, majestic, mystical, magical and fulfilling! But, I think these adjectives are more the fruits of the 1st ones I used.
It is fear that tells us, IF we choose to marry without first having sex and "getting good at it", the sexual relationship will suffer throughout the marital relationship. It is fear that says "without 'trying on' our potential spouse before 'purchasing' or marrying them it will lead us to a desire to 'return' the merchandise to the store ('available' market)". This is how I define fear.
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real.
The majority of media reports it, condones it, lives it, preaches it and continues to NOT find "the fairy tale". Why? Does happiness even exist? What is happiness anyway? This would be a good word to DEFINE, in accurately seeking for and receiving the "happily ever after".
I like to use the Webster's 1828 dictionary when seeking for definitions because it is most accurate and deeper than most meanings out there. "Happiness, n. [from happy] the agreeable sensations which spring from the enjoyment of good." (find the full definition here)
From this definition we can conclude that in order to be happy, we must enjoy good. What is good?
Human beings and everything that is not man-made. Also something that is legally firm, valid, not weak or defective, sound.
Like marriage.
"And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good."
God BLESSED Adam and Eve (that's where true marriage originated) "and said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it..." (Genesis 1:31)
This is what the FAIRY TALE is all about. Man receiving Woman (women are gifts to be received), them being blessed by GOD, and making love (having intercourse) for the purpose of showing love to each other and to God and sealing the promises made by all in the covenant that marriage is.
If any of these elements is missing, the fairy tale will not happen the way it feels like it was supposed to inside of us. To reference the canning analogy again, it would be like forgetting to put the salt, vinegar, or food in, or like trying to cook it for just a few minutes instead of the full amount of time it takes to really get a good seal on.
Now for all those who were just reading to see if this was all a joke, because "nobody believes in fairy tales anymore.", I say that REALITY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. Do not let the media or the workplace, or your circle of friends define YOUR reality. Your life is what you make it.
"That's easier said than done!" you may say. Well I will be posting a part 2 on how to change your reality to what will truly "fill your jar" with your favorite feeling and seal it!
TTFN (Ta-Ta for now!)
I want to share a video that my family and I quote at the end of our visits sometimes.
So, we really don't quote the whole thing, just the part at the end where
they say, "Bye-bye boys! Have fun stormin' the castle! (D'ya think it'll
work? It'd take a miracle.) -uh Bye!" But, I liked the whole clip because it shows that we do not need to accept what seems like death, we can seek for help, have faith and do what the miracle maker says to do. Then we experience a miracle.I'm sure that most of us have seen The Princess Bride at least once, if not 50+ times.
Because this is a classic fairy tale, let's evaluate what we learn about how to have a fairy tale happen in our life, from this timeless movie (if you can call 42 years timeless - the book was published in 1973).
#1. Buttercup: She has learned good morals and lives by them. She seems to have a love for nature and riding horses, and from what I can see, she's got a good work ethic as well. Wesley is not the only one that works. We never meet her parents, but one of them must have been a good manager and bossed her (or the spouse) around, otherwise, how would she have learned that she needed a farm hand in the first place and to be such a good boss? She tries her best to do her best, for all we know.
#2. Wesley: Service and good works pay off. Check this guy out! He was obviously attracted to Buttercup, probably from the minute he knew of her. But "the fairy tale" involves more than just being attracted to one another. There is a deep connection felt. This is very important to distinguish from merely being attracted to someone. Feeling this deep connection, he shows his love for her by serving her, and because she sees that it is with affection that he does his work, she is compelled to contemplate her feelings for him and realizes that she loves him too. Sure, he may have been a hired hand, but the energy that takes place between them is electric! There is a difference between the way he speaks to her, vs. the way some other person, not in love with her, would have spoken to her. He was kind, patient, humble (meaning he did not think he was better than anyone else), not jealous, considerate, sought her happiness, and focused on his love for her. He made that love the motivation for his seeking fortune for their marriage. Serving one another is powerful when love is there.
#3. Once they realize that they love each other, they know there is some preparing to do before they can be married. As they part, Buttercup FEARS that she will never see him again, while Wesley is the pillar of FAITH and tells her, "Hear this now. I will always come for you." They do not have sex before he leaves, though, as they were well aware that it would be wrong and unwise.
#4. On his travels, Wesley still remembers his love for Buttercup and as he pleads for the dread pirate Roberts to keep him alive, the love he has for Buttercup shows up in his voice as he says "Please." The love he had for Buttercup helped him overcome certain death. He kept her in mind and did everything he did with the intention of coming back to Buttercup and marrying her.
#5. Once you have loved more deeply than all the cowardly princes and kings could even dream of, that person is part of you forever.
#6. "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." Pay attention to what feels good in your heart. Don't douse the fire in your heart because it has burned you before. It was only FEAR that burned you.
#7. "Wesley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that; not with a thousand blood hounds! And you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords!" They had not "made love" physically yet, and had not spoken marriage vows per say, but they loved each other this deeply. IS this possible? YES! It truly is! Even after the marriage, though, there will be storms and that love will be tested and tried. There might even come a point when it feels as though those bonds HAVE been broken. That's where the promise comes in. We didn't promise to love each other unless the other one stops. What good is a promise if you're not going to keep it? No good. When you are joined by the bonds of love, that IS unbreakable. It is important to note, though, that they still have not spoken MARRIAGE vows to each other. This matters.
#8. Patience, perseverance, submissiveness, FAITH, hard work, hope, belief, morality, love, and team work, yield miracles AND... THE FAIRY TALE.
No wonder this movie is a classic. It contains all of the necessary ingredients for putting together a wonderful fairy tale BECUASE Wesley and Buttercup have cultivated these character traits, choice by choice as they have grown and they are a part of them. These character traits will see them through the storms they will face in their future together. That's right, there are storms after marriage, and they CAN be weathered.
There are definitely more lessons we can learn from this movie, but I will move on to explaining what the fairy tale is, why we want it, and how we do or do not get it.
Okay, so what IS "The Fairy Tale"?
I will define it as coming to (or falling in) love with your dream girl/guy, getting married in a beautiful place with a beautiful dress/tux and with all the wonderful people in your life there, and living happily ever after.
Why do we want the fairy tale? Because it feels good. It touches our hearts. IT IS INSIDE OF US.
Do fairy tales happen in "real life"? YES and NO.
Yes, they happen for some people, but not true to the way they are portrayed in all the movies. Sometimes we are deceived (especially women) into thinking that happily ever after means that after we get married everything is eternal bliss. It IS in the sense that we no longer need to worry about finding a spouse or hoping that someday we will marry this person. However, it is NOT, in the sense that we continue to need to work, deal with unpleasant circumstances at work, find out that bearing children is not only sweet, but also hard work and sometimes quite bitter, and we also come to find ALL the imperfections our spouse has that we may not have ever married into had we known of them before.
*This is the precise reason that the many people, nowadays, move in with and have sex with their significant other before considering marriage.* They think that perhaps if they try it out for a while without promising anything first, they will save themselves from heartache and sadness and money from having to pay divorce lawyers.
Some people might call this smart, but I assert that it is the very reason that a relatively large percentage (compared to what the IDEAL would be) of the population do NOT experience the fairy tale (even the kind not portrayed accurately in the movies) anymore.
The eternal truth is that orgasm is part of the happily ever AFTER. Meaning AFTER marriage happens.
The ability to respect each other's physical bodies is KEY to a happy relationship. This does not require "trying it" to see if it will work before committing to a lifetime of loving this person. Rather it takes a commitment to love this person for a lifetime to even "go there" physically. THAT IS the act we perform with our physical bodies that seals the promise of marriage. Waiting to have sex until AFTER you have promised to give yourselves to each other SPEAKS, "I do not need to give in to the desires of the flesh, in order to love your spirit, and since your spirit will live on for much longer than your body will, I will love IT 1st, always and forever!" It shows that if our physical bodies were to become harmed in any way shape or form, it wouldn't affect our love for each other, because, we were first in love with each other's spirits. That afterglow feeling that orgasm brings feels like happily ever after and is meant to give us just that. If we choose not to promise our love to each other and dedicate our lives to each other before this happens, it is just self gratification and not at all about the couple, but the individual and the desires of the flesh. Sex is one precious gift in life that is worth waiting for until marriage. It shouldn't be treated as anything less than a precious gift. One that comes with promise and responsibility.
It is because some choose to put this gift before marriage that they are not in the zone of true happiness. Sealing the commitment and promise without making it first is like acting out the canning process without putting anything in the jar 1st. The result? Emptiness inside.
Some define love as the act of sex. I define love as kind, patient, humble, submissive, not envying, not boasting, being considerate, seeking to serve, protecting, rejoicing in truth, trusting, not delighting in other's downfalls or keeping track of who has offended and how. (And, believing in God, myself, I would say that GOD IS LOVE.) I also have to say that I do believe that love is beautiful, wonderful, majestic, mystical, magical and fulfilling! But, I think these adjectives are more the fruits of the 1st ones I used.
It is fear that tells us, IF we choose to marry without first having sex and "getting good at it", the sexual relationship will suffer throughout the marital relationship. It is fear that says "without 'trying on' our potential spouse before 'purchasing' or marrying them it will lead us to a desire to 'return' the merchandise to the store ('available' market)". This is how I define fear.
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real.
The majority of media reports it, condones it, lives it, preaches it and continues to NOT find "the fairy tale". Why? Does happiness even exist? What is happiness anyway? This would be a good word to DEFINE, in accurately seeking for and receiving the "happily ever after".
I like to use the Webster's 1828 dictionary when seeking for definitions because it is most accurate and deeper than most meanings out there. "Happiness, n. [from happy] the agreeable sensations which spring from the enjoyment of good." (find the full definition here)
From this definition we can conclude that in order to be happy, we must enjoy good. What is good?
Human beings and everything that is not man-made. Also something that is legally firm, valid, not weak or defective, sound.
Like marriage.
"And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good."
God BLESSED Adam and Eve (that's where true marriage originated) "and said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it..." (Genesis 1:31)
This is what the FAIRY TALE is all about. Man receiving Woman (women are gifts to be received), them being blessed by GOD, and making love (having intercourse) for the purpose of showing love to each other and to God and sealing the promises made by all in the covenant that marriage is.
If any of these elements is missing, the fairy tale will not happen the way it feels like it was supposed to inside of us. To reference the canning analogy again, it would be like forgetting to put the salt, vinegar, or food in, or like trying to cook it for just a few minutes instead of the full amount of time it takes to really get a good seal on.
Now for all those who were just reading to see if this was all a joke, because "nobody believes in fairy tales anymore.", I say that REALITY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. Do not let the media or the workplace, or your circle of friends define YOUR reality. Your life is what you make it.
"That's easier said than done!" you may say. Well I will be posting a part 2 on how to change your reality to what will truly "fill your jar" with your favorite feeling and seal it!
TTFN (Ta-Ta for now!)
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